Children as Adults

I have three grown children who have grown into wonderful adults. They have gone their own separate ways, ways that their parents have been surprised at their decisions. This makes the unique people that they are.

As parents, you still want the best for them. You have that desire to make any problem go away and make any hurt heal as fast as it can. A big hurt has happened over Thanksgiving that up to now is unresolved. We don't know the story except what has been told to us by the parties involved. Of course, each one has their take on the problem. Each one is hurt in some way. How do we help them?

We can't take sides. We know this is something that will get worked out but how long will this take? Has anyone taken the time to talk to one another in person and not by email or a blog? Are you so angry that you can't get past the hurt? Does anyone really know what has caused the hurt? Has it been something of a great crisis that it is unforgivable? Why don't you try and write a letter to each person and express your hurt? This has to be your hurt and not being accusing the other person of anything. For instance, "It hurt me when a decision was made without listening to my input." "I didn't understand why something was done." "Why can't you come to me to discuss something that you disagree with instead of shutting me out/off? I am hurt when this happens and I miss not being in touch."

After writing what you have to say, SIT down with one another, exchange the letters, read them and then discuss. No fighting! It just might surprise everyone how you feel about each other. Everyone has their own feelings and way of doing things. It is not always easy for people to get along. Just look at the wars we have. I know this is an extreme example but you should get my message. Right now, there is a small war going on between the 4 of you. Who is right, who will give a little, who wants peace, or how many causalities will it cause before it ends.

There is a brother that needs the other, if for no other reason than support. Work this out! It's Christmas... how can you go into this holiday with such a hate?